Vacation from Hell
by Radioactive Ferret
Summary: Jin, Touya, Shishi, Suzuka, Chuu, and Rinku go on a vacation. But, when Chuu accidentially eats the return plane tickets, they find themselves stranded. And when Rinku is taken by Child Services, things begin to get crazy. JXT
1. Of Demons in a Rental Car

Azural: Oh hell, not one of these!!

Neku: Ah, yes, one of these! Wa ha ha ha! JinXTouya by the end of the story, and some hints of it in this chappie! You no likes, you no reads!

Azural: Ok, see ya!

Neku: Oh no you don't!!

Azural: Ok, well, folks, just read the story (and review, for our sake! Neku loves reviews! She feels loved.)

Neku: Yes! Reviews happy Neku-chan! Happy Neku-chan new chappies sooner! So, plz make this poor ferret girl feel loved! Enjoy the story!

Chapter one! I know what it looks like!

Ah, to be back in the country! Rolling green hills, endless cerulean skies without a cloud in the way of the pure sunlight…

Psshht, yeah right! Maybe in a storybook, or in some sappy romance story! Hell, this was anything BUT the country! This was Sin City, baby! Where every day's a party! And this is where this sorry excuse for a story begins. In a silver Lexus rental car, speeding down the freeway, are our heroes. Well, if 'heroes' is what you could call them. A drunken Aussie, otherwise known as Chuu, was passed out in the trunk. An Ice demon, commonly known as Touya, was staring out the window, while trying to ignore the pounding bass from the speakers. He glared at the demon in the front passenger seat, aka Suzuka, who was banging his head to the music, then cast an annoyed glance at the Wind Master next to him, who was singing at the top of his lungs. "Jin!" shouted Touya, hoping to quell the aforementioned wind youkai's voice. "Please! You're giving me a headache!"

Jin apparently didn't hear the poor ice demon, and thus continued singing. Touya groaned and covered his ears with his hands. It wasn't that Jin was a bad singer; dear spirits, no! It was just that this song… was pissing him off!

Kevin Lyttle and his perverted song 'Turn me on' had been blaring on the speakers for about an hour! And Touya despised that song. But, at least, not as much as some others. Like Brittany Spears, that slut of a human, so per say.

Shishi Wakamaru, who was in the driver's seat, had by some stroke of fortune heard the Ice master's anguished cry. He flipped stations, then finally found one with halfway decent music (COUGH Marilyn Manson COUGH). "Ey!" shouted Jin. "Turn it back!"

"No. We've heard it over a thousand times already!"

"Will you guys PLEASE shut up!" whined Rinku from the far back seat, looking up from his Pokèmon Silver game. (Poor Rinku. I almost ripped my frickin eyes out after playing that game for five damnable minutes!)

"Arrgghh…." Touya ground his teeth in annoyance. "Are we there yet?!"

"No!"

"How 'bout now?" continued Jin.

"Yes!"

"Really?"

"NO, you dolt!"

Yeah, like I said, if you can call them heroes, then well, whatever. But anyways, they are the main characters of our story, so just deal with it.

It had been a tough few months for Shishi and co., as is to be expected for six demons living in the Ningenkai. One day, however, not too long ago, Suzuka and Shishi had come home with six round-trip plane tickets to Sin City.

"Where'd you get those?" Chuu had exclaimed, shocked.

"Won 'em!" replied Suzuka. "Well, actually, Shishi did. Radio contest!"

"Where exactly is this 'Sin City?'" Touya interrupted cagily. Suzuka had, well known to Touya, a… well… _predicament_ of getting everyone into sticky situations. Like the incident involving the meat cleaver when passing through Customs into the Living World… but we won't go into that. Basically, Touya was suspicious, and for a damn good reason.

"Somewhere someplace, who cares, really?" laughed Suzuka. "This should be fun!"

"Oh hell…"

Well, now, on to the real story. After about three hours of flying, yelling, sleeping, driving and fighting, they FINALLY arrived in Sin City! Now, at the hotel…

Jin was strangely amused by jumping up and down on the bed, while Shishi and Suzuka were busy dragging the still drunken Chuu up the stairs. Rinku was flipping through TV stations, and Touya was sound asleep on the other bed ('other' being the one Jin wasn't jumping on). Vaguely, the Wind Master wondered why the smaller demon was so dead-beat tired. It couldn't be because of the trip, seeing as he had slept the whole damn way, or lack of sleep the night before, since he'd also slept the whole night as well… 'Hmmm…' thought Jin. 'I wonder…' Jin floated silently over to the sleeping ice master and moved until he was not even an inch from his friend's nose and stared intently at his closed eyes. If Touya had any sixth sense, he would open his eyes and be scared spitless! Jin almost giggled. It was too perfect!

"Jin," said Touya clearly, eyes still closed. Jin started, then blinked.

"Wha'?"

"You know I hate it when you do that." he continued.

"Wha'? Do wha'?"

"Stare at me when I sleep."

Jin bit back a smirk. So he really wasn't asleep, then. Perfect. poke! Touya half-growled, half whimpered as he rolled over, his back to the irksome wind master. Poke! "Fuff off." the ice demon murmured, his face pressed against a pillow.

Jin smirked again, this time going for a full-blown assault! His began tickling the defenseless ice master, hands sneaking their way beneath his shirt and over his many ticklish spots.

Touya's eyes snapped open, and he tried to pull away. "Aah! Jin! Stop!" he shouted between giggles.

"Nevah!" Jin shouted, doubling his efforts as Touya tried to escape, eventually sending them both crashing to the ground in a pile of giggles.

Jin smiled gleefully, ears twitching like a mouse's nose. "'Ell, who'd've known ya were ticklish?" he chirped. Touya struggled from beneath Jin, who was too busy chattering to realize what an… interesting… position they had landed in.

"Umm, Jin?" Jin continued talking as if he hadn't heard his friend, which he probably hadn't. "JIN?" shouted Touya.

"—an' ya were actu'lly smilin'; nevah tought I'd see tat--- wha'd ya say?"

"You-"

"HOLYEEE HELL!!" Jin's head shot up and Touya stared wildly around the room. Who said that? ...Oh, just them. Shishi and Suzuka stood in the doorway, Chuu draped over the latter's shoulders while Shishi stood with his mouth slightly agape, lavender eyes bugging out of their sockets. "What the hell are you two DOING???"

"I-it's not what you think…" began Touya, scarlet blood filling his cheeks with a heated blush.

"An' how do ya know wha' we're thinkin'?" droned Chuu drunkenly, then hiccupping slightly.

"I know what it looks like!" shouted Jin suddenly, not angrily or embarrassed, however, but in the tone of a child who had just remembered his times tables. "It looks like we're havin' sex!"

"JIN, DAMNIT! GET THE HELL OFF ME!!!" shouted Touya in embarrassment, shoving the wind master off him. Jin blinked, indignant, as the smaller demon crawled back onto the bed and hugged his knees to his chest.

"Wha's your problem, Icy?" commented Jin in a huff, dusting himself off.

"Nothing, Jin. Nothing." came the rather frosty reply. Jin arched an eyebrow in confusion, then decided to forget it. Touya always was relatively unpredictable when it came to reading emotions.

"Well, then! Who's up for dinner?" he asked in a somewhat less annoyed tone.

"OH! OH! ME! MEEEEEE!!" cried Rinku, abandoning his self-appointed task of finding a good movie on TV. "Let's go out for… ummm… geez, I dunno. Food?"

"I saw a McDonalds on the way here." commented Suzuka.

"Aw, hell no!" interjected Shishi. "That place is 99 grease, 1 rat shit! There's a KFC down the road."

"OR!" interrupted Jin. "We could go to that bar down the street! 1 cent drinks all night!"

Chuu's eyes opened, and he seemed to snap out of his semi-drunk morale. "Drinks? I'll challenge any o' ya blokes to a drinkin game!"

"Or we could do some karaoke!" squealed Rinku, rocking on the balls of his feet in excitement. "Jin's not a bad singer, Shishi isn't either, and you're alright when you're sober, Chuu!"

"Hah. The only one better than me is Touya!" brayed Chuu, pointing at the small ice master, who still hadn't said a thing.

"What?" muttered Touya, confused.

"You're a better singer than all of us!"

"But I don't sing." He replied simply. "Never have, never will."

"Well, we'll just see 'bout tat, now won't we, mate?" Chuu grabbed Touya's arm and hauled him off the bed, which was a rather difficult task due to the fact that the ice master was trying to claw himself free of the Aussie's grip with ice blades. But, finally, Chuu managed to grab the struggling demon by the back of his shirt.

"Let me go!" growled Touya, clawing at Chuu's hand.

"We're all goin' to ta karaoke bar tonight!" cheered Chuu, impervious to the cat-like clawings of the demon who was doing quite a number on his fist.

"Alright!" replied Rinku. "Can I drink this time?"

"NO." came the chorused reply.

And so it was settled. A night of singing and drinking in the karaoke bar downtown was at hand! But, now, my time on the computer has ended, so I will cruelly leave you hanging here until the next chapter is done! Au revoir, mes amis! A tôut a l'huere! (which means 'goodbye, my friends! See ya!' in French. Heh, dropping that subject in school! Yay for me!)


	2. Bailamos

**IMPORTANT MESSAGE FOR ANYONE WHO WATCHES YUYU HAKUSHO! **

Cartoon Network has completely started over YuYu Hakusho from the _very first episode_. Since they only show it once a week, it'll take ALMOST TWO YEARS to start showing new episodes again. I need help in complaining to them. I don't care if you don't watch it, just PLEASE HELP!

1. Go to http: There is a grey button that says "help" near the top right former of the screen. Click it.

3. Scroll almost halfway down in the help window, and there will be a box in which to submit feedback.

PLEASE LEAVE THEM A COMPLAINT OR ASK THEM NOT TO RESTART THE SERIES! Once again, I DO NOT CARE IF YOU DON'T EVEN WATCH IT! I ALREADY LEFT A COMPLAINT, BUT I KNOW THEY WON'T LISTEN TO JUST ONE PERSON! **PLEASE HELP ME OUT!**

Avi-chan

And so it was settled. A night of singing and drinking in the karaoke bar downtown was at hand! But, now, my time on the computer has ended, so I will cruelly leave you hanging here until the next chapter is done! Au revoir, mes amis! A tôut a l'huere! (which means 'goodbye, my friends! See ya!' in French. Heh, dropping that subject in school! Yay for me!)

"Blah" talking

'blah' thinking

"_Blah_"- singing!

Chapter two I know where you sleep!

When we last saw our 'heroes', they were en route to the local karaoke bar. So, that's where we'll pick up the loose threads…

"Chuu, will you put me down yet?" grumbled Touya snappishly.

"Nope. Not yet!"

"I'm perfectly capable of walking on my own, thank you!" the small ice master had long since given up on clawing at Chuu's hand; the Aussie seemed completely resilient to pain. So, he finally just hung by his shirt in Chuu's impenetrable grip, scowling at the evil impediment, aka Chuu's fist.

"We're HEERREEE!" came Rinku's ear-splitting shout of excitement. "We're here! We're here!"

"Will you put me down now, Chuu?"

"Sure thing, mate!" And Chuu dropped him.

Touya's eyes widened as he realized his sudden mistake. Chuu dropping him. Chuu much bigger than him. Chuu holding him up VERY high. Long way to fall. "Oh shit. OW!" Touya fell to the warm cement and fell rather unceremoniously and maladroitly on his ass.

"Well, c'mon, what're we waiting for?" Shishi pushed open the wooden double doors, then, with only a minor tiff of dragging Touya in after them, a waitress strode up to them.

"Hello, what can I get y'all, boys?" she said in a slight Southern accent. "Some drinks?"

"You're pretty!" chirped Rinku.

"Aw, thanks, hun. Um, who's your dad?"

"Tha'd be me." Suzuka raised his hand.

"Wha'? –MPHHFF!" Suzuka clapped his hand across Rinku's mouth.

"Suzuka, damnit, stop flirting!" Shishi rolled his eyes, then turned back to the waitress. "We'll have a round of tequila shots, and soda for the kid."

"Comin' right up! And might I say that you have a cute ass!"

Shishi's eye twitched violently, and his face flushed cherry red. "Aheh… uh, thanks?" The waitress winked, then disappeared behind the bar.

Touya grumbled slightly. "Why must we be here? It's just an excuse for you guys to get drunk again."

"We're going to get YOU drunk, Touya." corrected Suzuka. "Since you aren't really much fun right now, you will have to drink until you're drunk enough to smile and have fun!"

Touya glared for a moment, but then had an idea. "Alright, fine." he sighed in defeat. "I'll be… pleasant. Alright?" He smiled slightly, hoping they would buy his bluff.

"We said smile, not smirk like a vampire!" shouted Rinku. "Dear spirits, that's scary! Face it, Icy, you've forgotten how to smile, haven't you?"

"Of course not! I just choose not to."

"Here's your drinks." said the waitress, setting a plate of about twenty shots of straight tequila on the bar table in front of Chuu.

"Thanks!" Chuu picked up one shot glass. Touya took an involuntary step backwards. "Hold 'im!"

"WHOA HOLY FUCKIN' HELL NO!" Touya jumped right out of Shishi's grasp and made a wild dash for the door. Five feet to freedom, then…

Whoosh!

Touya found himself dangling three feet in the air, supported by… Jin. "Jin, please, let me go!"

"Got 'im! Chuu, dump ta shot in ta air!" Chuu blinked, then tipped the glass upside down, spilling the contents. But the tequila didn't splash on the floor, or even loose its shape for that matter. It simply hovered in air, then streamed over to Jin.

"Jin, please! Don't!" Had Jin been anyone else in the three worlds at this moment, the poor wind master would be on the floor surrounded in a pool of blood with a large icicle protruding from his gut. But he was Jin, and not only would Touya never hurt him, but he never COULD hurt him. Not in this position at least.

Jin smirked slightly. "Nope, It's like Suzuka said! Yer no fun now! Jus' drink ta shot, k? I don' wanna force it down yer throat." Touya closed his mouth tightly, and glared up at Jin. "Ah, well, ya jus' had ta make I' hard on yerself…" Jin pinched Touya's nose, causing the smaller demon to gasp for breath. When he did, the tequila was waiting for him.

Jin dropped the ice demon as he coughed and choked on the bitter liquid. "Eh, Touya?" The wind master inched behind his friend and placed his hand on his back. "Ya alright?"

"Yeah…" Touya looked up from the floor, but for some reason… that is, some rather obvious reason, he didn't look angry. He was smiling.

Chuu roared with laughter. Shishi and Suzuka gaped at the obvious change in Touya's attitude, and Rinku shook his head, muttering something that sounded like 'dumbbells.'

Touya stared back innocently, large, glossy eyes reflecting the lights, thus adding to the innocence factor. "Um, why's everyone staring at me?"

"Alcohol works wonders, I see…" mused Shishi, suppressing a grin. "Well, who's up for some karaoke?"

"OH! Let's sing the Taco Bell Dog song!" exclaimed Jin.

"Yeah!" Touya got unsteadily to his feet, and leaned against Jin's arm for support. "Me too!"

"He's gotta be a lightweight!" muttered Jin to himself. And, he was right beyond all doubt. If there even was any.

"Me first!" Suzuka pushed past Jin, and jumped on the stage.

"Oi! No fair!" pouted Jin. Touya just stared blankly from Jin to Suzuka like he was stoned.

"Alright, Ladies and Gents!" shouted the announcer into the microphone. "The karaoke contest is about to begin! First up, we have Suzuka the…" The announcer stared at the paper for a minute. "Is this guy gay or sumthin?" he muttered. Well, not muttered, exactly, as his 'mutterings' were amplified and boomed through the speakers throughout the bar. "Suzuka the Beautiful."

Suzuka grumbled and took the microphone. "Aw, fuck you all! Here, Jin, you sing." He tossed Jin the microphone, but instead of Jin catching it…

"Oww.." muttered Touya, rubbing his forehead, where he had been pegged by the microphone.

"Will someone just come up and sing?" exclaimed the announcer.

"'ine, I'll sing. Stupid Suzuka…" Jin jumped onstage, just as the music for "Bailamos" began to play. (AN: I love that song, but I can see Puss in Boots singing it more than I can Jin.)

"Jin!"

"Eh? 'Ey!" Touya jumped onstage with Jin, and grabbed a spare mike. "Wha're ya doin'?"

"I wanna sing too!" Jin's eyes widened. How strong _was_ that tequila?

"Fine." laughed Jin. "I'll start, then!

_Esta noche bailamos _

_Te doy toda mi vida _

_Quedate conmigo_"

Touya smiled, then laughed slightly, before picking up where Jin left off.

"_Tonight we dance _

_I leave my life in your hands _

_We take the floor _

_Nothing is forbidden anymore _

_Don't let the world be my side _

_Don't let a moment go by _

_Nothing can stop us tonight_"

"Both of you sing!" shouted Shishi. "Both of you!"

_"Bailamos _

_Let the rhythm take you over _

_Bailamos _

_Te quiero amor mio _

_Bailamos _

_wanna live this life forever _

_Bailamos _

_Te quiero amor mio _

_Te quiero" _

The crowd cheered itself hoarse, and for a moment, Touya's smile flickered. As if something was wrong. Just a flicker, though; too quick for anyone to notice; anybody but Jin, that is.

_"Tonight I'm yours _

_We can make it happen I'm so sure _

_Now I'm letting go _

_There is something I think you should know _

_I won't be leaving your side _

_We're gonna dance through the night _

_I'm gonna reach for the stars" _

Shishi and Suzuka were singing along in the crowd, laughing. Jin glanced at Touya. He was still smiling, and Jin desperately wished that it were a real one.

_"Bailamos _

_Let the rhythm take you over _

_Bailamos _

_Te quiero amor mio _

_Bailamos _

_wanna live this life forever _

_Bailamos _

_Te quiero amor mio _

_Te quiero"_

"We've got ourselves some worthy contestants here, folks!" shouted the announcer. "Can anyone beat 'em?"

"I can!" came a new, yet familiar voice. There was some scrapping in the crowd, then… YUSUKE jumped onstage!

"Urameshi?" exclaimed Jin, grinning widely. "Wha're ya doin' 'ere?"

"Just passing through. 'Nuther one of Koenma's missions." Yusuke grinned, then picked up another mic. "Let's see if I can't beat your singing, Jin!"

"You're on, Urameshi! Good luck!"

Yusuke turned to the crowd. "Alright, this song was actually taught to me by Shishi, so, well, whatever! In your face, Shishi!"

"What is he talking about?" muttered Shishi to Suzuka.

"Oh, don't mind Yusuke," said a voice behind them. "He's far beyond being drunk. I believe the human term is 'smashed'."

"Hey, Kurama." said Shishi without even turning around.

Meanwhile, Yusuke was making a complete idiot of himself onstage…

_"__I was driving around in old Mexico,  
I got lost and didn't know which way to go,  
I was confused, it was late, and I was in a fog,  
I ran over the taco bell dog,  
I felt that smush and I said oh Mama,  
my low-rider crushed that little Chihuahua,  
I prayed for forgiveness in a synagogue,  
I ran over the taco bell dog,  
if I am caught they will put me in a cell with 20 locks,  
unless I can pin it on jack in the box,  
I'll be whipped and beaten and then I'll be flogged,  
I ran over the taco bell dog,  
his last words were '__Yo quiero e medico'__,  
I flattened that pup and to hell i will go,  
i should have skipped driving and gone for a jog,  
i ran over the taco bell dog,  
i ran over the taco bell dog." _

Touya laughed openly now, Jin laughing alongside him. Rinku had apparently made a few friends in the kiddy section of the restaurant, and was showing off his yo-yo skills. Kurama and Shishi slapped their hands to their foreheads in embarrassment, while Hiei simply rolled his eyes. Kuwabara found the whole thing rather hilarious, and was giggling in that annoying raucous laugh of his. Suzuka's mouth hung open in confusion, and Chuu was—

"OH MY GOD, CHUU! WERE THOSE OUR PLANE TICKETS?" Shishi, Jin, Touya, and Suzuka whipped around to face Rinku and Chuu… well, all except Touya, who slipped and fell on his ass. Rinku was pointing at Chuu, who had a confused look on his face.

"Wha'?"

"Rinku, what's going on?" asked Shishi calmly.

"chuu ate our plane tickets!"

"HE WHAT?"

Chuu blinked innocently. "It was a bet!" he reasoned. "they said if I ate all the tickets in one mouthful, we'd have free drinks all night!"


	3. Of Toothless Old Men

Enter the Ass-Heroes.

Shishi Wakamaru. Jin the Wind Master. Rinku. Touya the drunken Ice Master. Suzuka the Beautiful.

And Chuu. HIM. The very reason Shishi was standing on the curb in a sexy man thong and a pair of handcuffs hanging from his wrist. "Honestly," sighed Shishi, having gotten over his humiliation ages ago. "Why leopard print? Just answer me that."

"Shush!" hissed Jin. "A car's comin'. Execute sexy pose!" Shishi snarled, then draped one leg over the rail he'd been humping for twenties for the past hour.

"Jin, I say it's _your_ turn now," hissed the blue-haired demon, baring his fangs.

"I shay, now, dat dere wash the darn tootin' shmexiest thing I ever did shee!" came a drawling voice. "Ya wanna shink dose dere fangs shomewhere elshe?" Shishi's eyes widened in terror as a man stepped out of the rusty red truck. His thin white hair stuck out in patches and obviously hadn't been washed since… well, judging by his age, the late Jurassic. His overalls were baggy, and the front two straps were undone, showing off a torn, red-plaid shirt. Shishi had a good guess why the man was so fascinated by fangs—poor old geezer was entirely toothless.

Shishi stood with his mouth open for a moment. "Oh hell no. No, no, no on a million levels!"

"How much will you pay him?" asked Touya.

"A roun' hunnred!" said the man enthusiastically.

"A hundred dollars! That'll be enough for one ticket!" whispered Rinku. "Make him do it, Touya! Please!"

"He'll do it!" Jin exclaimed, snatching the money. "Go on, Shishi!"

"NO!" he shrieked.

"Oh for hell's sake!" Suzuka, who had far too few lines in this chapter so far, picked up a large pole and hit the man upside the head.

"RUN!" shouted Chuu, as Rinku snatched the man's wallet and bolted.

"OK, maybe we'll have a better chance with mugging people than applying to the skin trade," gasped Touya, counting the money they'd collected for the night. "Alright, I'd say this will cover Shishi's plane ticket. Now we've got to earn enough for five more people."

"Yer fuckin' me!" exclaimed Jin in disbelief. "Five more nights o' TIS?"

"Hey," growled Touya. "I'm not the one who ATE our tickets!"

"But you GAVE them to Chuu!"

"You gave him beer!"

"Oh, SHUT UP!" screamed Rinku. "And you say _I'm_ the kid here… damn."

Silence.

"Well, I'm guessing we're not playing hooker anymore," reasoned Suzuka, who still had too few lines. "What's next?"

"How 'bout magic tricks on a street corner?" Rinku pulled out his yo-yo's. "I'll earn the money for my ticket tomorrow with these babies, and Touya can do a few ice tricks to earn money!"

"Dumbass! What if that floating baby Koenma detects our energies in the human realm?" Shishi snapped.

"Then he can come get us!"

However, little did our Ass-Heroes know, Koenma was well aware of their predicament. Actually, he was watching it on his screen. "Damn it, Ogre!" he snapped. "I thought they were really gonna do it!"

"Don't blame me, Koenma-sama!" whined Jorge, in his usual pushover manner.

"Well, if they think I'm gonna get them out of this, they can think again!"

* * *

A/N: OK, I'm sorry it took so long to update, but I'm fresh out of ideas! Maybe you guys could give me a few good ideas to use? hopeful Review, and let me know! 


	4. Of Dildos in the Bottom Drawer

Ferret: Hello, everyone! I re-discovered this story, and I thought I' should update. I've been high on other Animes... (that's a BAD ferret!!), but for NDK this year, I shall dress as Touya to make up for my disloyalty to YYH. FORGIVE ME!!!

Anyways, there's FINALLY some JinTouya stuff in this chapter... I don't know if I sould post the explicit version on here, cuz I heard from other users that your story will be deleted if you do. But if you wanna read it, leave some reviews with your opinions, and I'll post accordingly. I don't even know if you guys WANT to read it, so... yeah.

Lastly, I need more ideas for where YOU want this story to go. That will be all.

* * *

"Ow, ow, OW!" complained Shishi, rubbing his sore bottom as our heroes climbed the stairs to their hotel room. "My ass hurts!"

"And my head hurts..." muttered Touya. "Jin, what was in that shot glass?"

"Tequila. Why?"

Touya rolled his eyes and sighed. "Yes, I knew _that_," he said sarcastically. "I mean, what did you spike it with?"

"Nothin', why?"

"OK, that's it!" whined Rinku. "I'm just gonna go to sleep right here!"

"Roger that," Suzuka slumped down next to Rinku. "Why couldn't we take the elevator?"

"Because it's good exercise to climb ta stairs!" exclaimed Jin cheerfully. He was met with several icy stares from three feet below him.

"So... floatin' up the stairs while laughing at ta poor drunkard is good exercise, eh?" muttered Chuu bitterly.

"I wasn' laughin' a' you!" Jin sputtered indignantly.

"Not me! Ta snowflake o'er there."

"Say that again!" snarled Touya.

"S-n-o-w-f-l-a-k-e."

"You're dead." BAM! POW! BIFF! BANG! THUMP-THUMP-THUMP!

Both Touya and Chuu tumbled down the stairs until Jin noticed and levitated them four feet in the air. "OK, I'll just let ya buggers fly with me to the room, but yer walkin from there, k?"

"Fine."

If you hadn't noticed by now, our dear authoress is running low on ideas. So we shall zip to the room, and pretend something funny happened. Hahahaha. Ahem. Yeah, that was corny.

Anyways, back to the story.

Touya was rummaging through the drawers, hoping to find an abandoned bottle of aspirin. Rinku had long since fallen asleep, and Shishi and Suzuka were trying to figure out the coffee machine while Chuu looked for something to eat. "Lookin' for sumthin'?" asked Jin lightly, stifling a yawn.

"Yeah. Aspirin." Touya's hand hit a piece of hard plastic. "Waitaminute, I think I found—the hell is this?" Touya held up a long piece of plastic with a switch on the side. Jin choked and fell out of the air onto the floor as Touya flipped the switch, and the plastic thing began to vibrate. "Holy hell!"

Jin started to laugh uncontrollably as Touya jumped almost six feet in the air. "Who the hell left TAT in t'ere?" giggled Jin, as Touya continued to look freaked out beyond all reason.

"What is it?" he asked snappishly. Jin laughed harder.

"Ya mean ya don' know??" he giggled rabidly, turning loops in the air. Shishi and Suzuka looked around the corner.

"What's all the ruckus?" asked Shishi. Then he noticed "it". "Oh gods! Jin, Touya, at least leave the room if you're gonna do that! Rinku's right over there!"

"No, no! It's not that!" Jin laughed. "He found it, and doesn't know what it is."

"You don't _know?_" Rinku exclaimed, rubbing his eyes. "God, even _I_ know!"

Touya rolled his eyes. "Do you mind explaining?"

The room's occupants looked at each other. "Well... It's like this... Obviously you know about sex..."

"I'm not stupid, Shishi."

"Could've fooled me. Anyways, this is one of those 'dildos' Jin's always making jokes about."

"He is?"

Jin hovered by Shishi's ear. "He's not freaking out. He still doesn't get it."

"Alright, basically, people use these when they can't get laid." Rinku yawned. "Apparently it's quite common."

"How does it work?"

Jin almost fell out of the air as Chuu entered the room. Quickly grasping the situation, he joined Suzuka in fits of giggles as Jin made awkward motions with his hands in a desperate attempt to explain the mysterious piece of plastic.

"Show me," Touya said, dead serious.

"Uh, no!" Jin exclaimed, shocked, but still amused.

"Well, then do something besides sign language! I'm not deaf!"

Shishi grinned suddenly. An exceptionally evil idea had sparked in his head, and if Jin wanted to get home as much as the rest of them did... "Jin, c'mere a moment." Jin complied. With a flourish, Shishi held out the money for his plane ticket. "You get the ticket if you go into the bathroom and _show_ him how that works."

"What! No! Who do ya think ya are, askin' me ta—" He was cut off as Shishi waved a Hershey's bar under his nose. He frowned, eyes following the chocolate. "Fine," he snapped, snatching the candy. "But this doesn' get out ta anyone."

ten minutes later

Shishi, Suzuka, Chuu and Rinku had their ears pressed to the door; listening for any noises that would clue them in as to what was going on in the other room. There were muffled voices for a few minutes, and the occasional silence. Then there came a slight gasp, and a stifled moan. Everyone's eyes widened, and Chuu covered Rinku's ears. There was a _thump_, which sounded oddly like someone hitting their head on the wall. Another moan, a few gasps and, finally, a whimper. Then it was quiet again.

"Wow," breathed Shishi. "He really did it."

For awhile, all they could hear was heavy breathing. Then there were footsteps. "Scatter!" hissed Rinku, as the door opened, then slammed in Jin's face as he stumbled out. The other four peered around the corner as Jin smirked.

"Well. He's locked meh out," he said to no one in particular.

"Well?" Shishi crossed his arms across his chest and arched an eyebrow.

"'Well' what?"

"What happened?"

Jin rolled his eyes. "I showed him what it's for… and he locked me out once he realized what happened."

"Wait… you used it on HIM?" Rinku choked, erupting into a fresh wave of giggles. "I'll bet he didn't like that."

"Actually, he DID... Tat's why he's so angry."

"I can hear you, Jin!!"

Jin winced. "C'mon, you know you liked it!"

"I did NOT! Go away!"

"He did."

"NOT!"

This continued for quite awhile, until everyone shouted themselves to sleep; Jin still laughing, Touya still sore, Chuu still hungry, Suzuka still oblivious, Rinku still amused, and Shishi still shocked.

Owari!


	5. He Snapped

Ferret: Wow, a record for me! Two updates in the same month!!! Woot! I OWN you, bitch!! (ahem) sorry. Anyways, this chapter is dedicated to my precious reviewers... Cuz I luv y'all so much!!

Chapter 6: He Snapped.

It was a beautiful morning: The birds were singing a melodic tune, and the yuccas hadn't claimed any victims as of yet. Our Ass-Heroes were still sleeping peacefully as the sun rose over Sin City, and---

"SHARDS OF WINTER!!"

Several songbirds fell out of their trees with slits in their throats. On the balcony below them, a tiny ice demon was waiting with that thing that looks like a mini garbage can, but is really an ice bucket. As he walked inside, it wasn't full of ice; but, rather, dead birds.

Revenge was sooo sweet. Sweet sweet sweet. The author considered adding an OOC rabid giggle, but decided against it. She was not that stupid.

Slowly, Touya placed several bleeding birds around Jin's sleeping form, one by his head, one by each foot, two on his chest, and one by each hand.

"Touya?" came a voice from behind him. _Oh shit! Busted!_ "Touya, what the FUCK are you doing?"

"Nothing. Go back to bed, Shishi."

"Are you trying to sacrifice him or something?"

"No. Go away."

"Give me those birds!"

"Hey! I killed those!"

"Nuh-uh! Give them here!"

"Fuck off!"

"Screw you!"

"Not even if you let me videotape it!"

"You WOULD!"

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

Yes, another beautiful morning in Sin City. That's how it started, and it only got better after that. Due to the (in everyone but Touya's opinion) hilarious events the night before, there were many side conversations which resulted in numerous sniggers followed by amused glances at either Jin or Touya. Mainly Touya.

"Alright, damnit, _what's so funny now??_" snapped the Ice Master, rolling his eyes at Chuu and Shishi as they started laughing again.

"Really, guys, you shouldn't be so immature!" scolded Rinku, leaning against one of the chairs in the lounge. "I say we just ask him."

"Ask me what?" replied Touya warily.

"Rinku!" snapped Suzuka. "Knock it off."

"We were just wondering whether Jin got you with that dildo last night, or if you two went all the way."

Touya's face flamed. "WHAT?!"

"Well, we know SOMEthing happened, and obviously you were on the receiving end, cuz you're limping." Everyone gaped open-mouthed at Rinku. "What?"

"Nothing happened." Touya said shortly, turning away from the other five. Shishi arched an eyebrow, and gave Touya a swift kick in the ass.

The Ice Master let out an undignified squeak, followed by a colourful string of words that made Chuu cover Rinku's ears. "What was THAT for?"

"I rest my case," Shishi said lightly, leaning back on a chair, as Touya stormed out of the room (with a visible limp). "Jin, will you fill us in on the details?"

"No."

"Huh? Why not?" Shishi sat up and glared at the flying elf, who was currently sitting on the mantelpiece above the fireplace.

"I don't wanna."

Shishi ground his teeth. "More chocolate?"

"Nuh-uh."

"Oh come ON, Jin!" whined Rinku. "We want the good stuff!"

"That's the LAST thing ya need ta hear." laughed Jin. He made a lewd hand signal to Chuu once Rinku's back was turned.

"Yer JOKIN'!!" laughed Chuu.

"What? Wha'd he say?" Rinku asked, tugging on Chuu's sleeve.

A sudden drop of room temperature alerted Chuu to the return of a certain pissed-off demon. "Yes, Jin. What DID you say?"

"Running now!"

In the following five minutes, many rugs were ruined, several expensive-looking things were broken, a few lights were smashed (no one figured out how that happened), and several chairs were slashed (Touya's doing). The result? Our Ass-Heroes found themselves out on their asses in the middle of the parking lot. "And STAY out!" shouted the owner, throwing the bucket of dead birds at Shishi,

"Hey! Give Rinku back!!" shouted Suzuka, pounding his fists on the lobby door. "Come on, bitch! He's with us!"

"No! You're in no fit state to raise this child! I'm calling child services!" shouted the owner.

"Lemme go! I'm not abused, I swear!" Rinku struggled in the lady's grip. "I don't wanna go to child services!!"

A van pulled up as Suzuka and Chuu pounded on the doors. Two humans pulled the doors open and walked inside. "Chuu, you idiot!!" shouted Rinku, as the neared human reached for his hand. "It says 'PULL'!! Why the HELL were you PUSHING??!"

"It does not! ... oh, wait, yes it does..." While Chuu was wondering how the sign got there without him noticing it, the two humans led Rinku out of the building and into the van.

"Uh, Chuu? Suzuka? They're getting away."

"What? Oh! Damn! Come back 'ere!!" Chuu and Suzuka ran after the van for a few minutes before it turned the corner.

Shishi felt this would be an appropriate time to state the painfully obvious. "Well. That sucked."

"Don't worry; they won't get far." Touya grabbed a few of the bags.

"How do you figure?"

"I laid out a few ice shards before they left. Those rubber things should blow out any minute." He was met with blank stares. "What?"

"Touya, this is Las Vegas." Jin said. "We're on tah edge of tah Mojave Desert. Those would've melted ta minute tey hit ta blacktop."

"What? Shit!"

And so, the search for Rinku began.


	6. Of Subway Sandwiches

I am SO sorry it took so long for me to update this!!! Thank you everyone who stuck with me, even though I suck at keeping my update schedule!

In a sign of my gratefulness to my reviewers, I shall put in a lemon next chapter! (just please give me some ideas for the scene!) And to thechiifactor, I would've posted it on this chapter, but I already had this thing typed out. Sorry.

* * *

"Of all the places you could've picked, Jin..." growled Shishi. "Why? Why here?" 

Jin adjusted his new hat. "Because one, this is the only place that was hiring; two, it's easy work and good pay; three, I like the sandwiches; and four, the guy living in the cardboard box behind the dumpster sells some good pot."

Chuu walked in through the back door, eyes strangely red.

"I'm not even gonna ask," said Touya, as he rummaged through the supply closet for the Windex. "Seriously, though, Subway cannot be the only place hiring."

"Why don't we just leave him in Vegas?" Suzuka said, kicking his feet up on a table. "I mean, it's not like anybody even cares—"

"Suzuka, you asspipe! I just cleaned that table!!" shouted Touya.

"See?" Suzuka shrugged. "Definitely not a suitable place for children. Such language..." Touya pegged Suzuka in the head with a roll of paper towels.

"Look, just because we're enslaved in a ningen deli doesn't mean we have to be miserable," reasoned Jin, hovering over a table.

Just then, an old lady in a manager's uniform came out of the back room. "Hey!" she shouted. "Why aren't those tables clean?"

Touya's mouth fell open in outrage. "They _are_ clean!" he exclaimed.

"Well, why aren't they cleaner?"

The Ice Master slammed his head into the wall. "You have _got_ to be shitting me. How much cleaner do you want them? Are you planning to do open-heart surgery in here or something?"

"I just want them clean enough for civilized humans to eat off of—is that to much to ask?" And she stormed off to her office.

"'Civilized humans'," scoffed Shishi. "That's some sort of oxymoron, unless I'm much mistaken."

"You said it, mate," Chuu agreed.

Suzuka tossed the mayo bottle back into the bin. "Alright guys, we need to ask ourselves a very important question..." He paused to make sure everyone was listening. "Would anybody notice—or care—if that bitch mysteriously kicked the bucket?"

"I'm sure Koenma-sama would," said a new voice.

"Oh no..." The group looked in the direction of the voice, knowing who it was before seeing the speakers.

"Hey, bitches!" greeted Yusuke. A large salami flew from Jin's general direction and hit the Detective with a loud and wholly satisfying SMACK! "Oww!"

"I'm sorry about him," apologized Kurama, rolling his eyes. "He's been watching porno movies on the hotel television for five hours straight."

"So what, bitch? I was bored!"

Kurama gritted his teeth. "Surely there are other ways to entertain yourself, Yusuke."

"What? Are _you_ gonna keep me busy, then?" Yusuke winked suggestively.

"Alright. Fine." Hiei's mouth fell open. Surely he'd heard wrong...?

Nope. He didn't. He just misunderstood.

Kurama slammed his elbow into Yusuke's stomach, effectively knocking the wind out of him. "Hey! What gives, Kurama?" the Detective shouted.

"Both of you, please, stop it!" exclaimed Yukina, pushing the two demons apart. "Can we just get lunch and go? We'll be late for the movie!"

Kuwabara smacked Yusuke on the back of the head. "Yeah, listen to Yukina-chan! It's really rude to keep the lady waiting!"

"Oh, and what are we then? Dirt?" exclaimed Botan, gesturing at herself and Keiko.

"More or less," commented Hiei snidely. "But I think we should eat somewhere else. We'll probably get poisoned if we eat here."

The group expected the Ass-Heroes to shout something or at least retaliate in SOME way, but instead, they exchanged sheepish looks and nodded. "True," said Shishi, tossing the mayo bottle high in the air and catching it again. "Might I suggest the dumpster out back?"

"You're impossible!" exclaimed Keiko, as she and Botan headed for the door. "Guys, let's just go to Burger King!"

"No, wait!" Touya called out. "We need your guys' help."

"WHAT?!" shouted Suzuka. "We do not!"

Kurama glanced from Touya, to Jin, then to Suzuka. "What's the problem?"

"There-was-an-inappropriate-incident-with-me-'n-Touya-in-the-hotel-and-he-attacked-us-when-we-were-messin'-with-him-and-child-services-took-Rinku-away-from-us," said Jin in one breath. "Oh, and Chuu ate our plane tickets."

Hiei arched an eyebrow as Touya flushed several unnamed shades of red. "And you want us to do... what, exactly?" he sneered.

"Help us get Rinku back, mate!" said Chuu, clapping Hiei on the shoulder.

"Why should we?"

Botan glared. "Hiei, they need our help! Now's not the time to—"

"I'll give you two bags of weed," said Shishi monotonously.

"Three," Hiei said immediately. "And two tubs of Neapolitan sweet snow."

"Done." Shishi and Hiei shook hands. "Fox, grow some pot—and don't pretend you don't know how. Your eyes are so bloodshot right now that it looks like someone dropped pepper oil in them." Kurama scowled, but pulled out a few seeds and got to work. "Touya, you're making ice cream, since this was _your_ idea."

"Yes, _master_," replied Touya sarcastically.

And just when things looked like they were going to work out...

...the manager wench stormed out of her office. "What's going on out here?!" she bellowed, making an awful lot of noise for such an old woman. "Why aren't you shit-dicks working?!"

Yusuke winced. "Botan, do you think Koenma could make an exception if she dies?"

"Two joints, and this never happened."

"Done. REI GAN!"

KA-BOOM! She died. Woo-hoo!

"Disgusting, Detective," snapped Hiei. "Did you have to blow her up? I've got ancient ningen guts in my sweet snow!"

"Sorry, Hiei."

Touya pouted. "I wanted to do that."


	7. Of Distractions and MapQuest

A/N: Another installment! Finally! I got some sudden inspiration while I was at school, so... well, here ya go! Enjoy, everyone!

* * *

Rinku had been at the center of attention for the past three hours, and was rapidly growing sick of the women lavishing him with sweets and toys. "Look, when do I get to go back home?" he asked, pushing away a large ice cream come one woman was shoving under his nose. "I told you a thousand times, I wasn't abused, neglected, molested or anything! I wanna go home!"

"Oh, there, there," cooed an older woman. "We'll find you a nice home soon. In the meantime, how about a lollipop?"

"Lady, I'm gonna be shitting sugar for a month," he snapped. "Get that purple cavity-stick out of my face."

A few women gasped. "Such horrible language!" exclaimed the old woman. "Your previous caretakers obviously had no idea what they were doing raising you!"

Rinku slammed his head on the desk he was seated at. "Damnit, guys," he muttered to himself. "You'd better get me outta this mess."

--

Some twenty miles away, Jin sneezed quite loudly, the resulting wind blowing him back several feet. "Someone's talkin' bout me," he said, glancing around the empty hotel room.

"Paranoid, if you ask me," muttered a new voice from the doorway.

"Touya? Is that you?"

"No, Jin. You're schizophrenic. Kill yourself."

Jin rolled his eyes as he rolled over onto his stomach, still hovering three feet off the ground. "Did Shishi and Suzuka say when they'd be back?" he asked, obviously bored. "I haven't got a danged clue how to use this thing!" He pointed at the room's computer. "It keeps beepin' an' buzzin' an' lightin' up as if it were sayin' 'Jin, you're schizo. Kill yerself!'"

"That was me, Jin," Touya answered monotonously. "But in hindsight, it probably was a rather poor choice for Yusuke to leave us in charge of mapquesting Child Services. I've never touched a computer in my life."

Jin hovered over the computer and poked it with his index finger. "Touch!" he sang childishly.

"That's not what I meant."

Jin flew a few loops around the room, something Touya always noticed him doing when he was thinking. Then again, he also did it when he was bored, hyper, drunk, or excited. The only way to tell if his mind was preoccupied was if…

WHAM!

…he crashed headfirst into the ceiling and fell to the floor.

"Hey, I got it!" Jin exclaimed, sitting up as though nothing had happened. "Let's go look for it the old-fashioned way!"

"You mean, ask someone where it is?"

"Exactly! An' I'll fly us there!"

Touya shrugged as Jin's ears twitched happily. "I suppose. But you do realize that this is all your fault, don't you?"

"_MY_ fault?" Jin exclaimed in outrage, unconsciously hovering a few inches in the air. Quite unnecessary, Touya thought, considering Jin already towered over him considerably. "Who was ta one chasin' us around ta lobby with a sword? This is all _yer_ fault!"

"It most certainly is not! You were egging me on, and you fucking know it!" spat Touya vehemently.

"If I remember yer words clearly—an' I do—you specifically said 'show me'," Jin retorted, crossing his arms. "I tried ta warn ya."

Touya spluttered angrily. "This has nothing to do with… that," he stammered. "This is about you being an annoying sack of shit."

"No, it's about you havin' a bad temper!" Jin countered. "You just don' wanna admit ya liked it!"

"I didn't—!" began Touya, but he was cut off as Jin crushed his lips against the Ice Master's mouth, silencing any further complaints from the smaller demon. Finally, Jin pulled back, and Touya shook his head to clear his mind. "Jin, what was _that_?" he shouted, once coherent thought returned.

"Yer not stupid; quit actin' like it," came the amused reply.

Touya searched for the right words to tell Jin just _who_ was spouting the biggest load of stupidity in the room, but no sensible words came. "I… you… what…?"

Jin smirked crookedly. "Ya know what yer problem is?" he asked, amused.

"No, Jin, I don't. But I have a feeling you're going tell me anyways."

"Yer too uptight. Ya take everything too seriously." Jin shrugged. "Everything freaks ya out."

"That's not true. I just don't think that life is a game."

A figurative lightbulb flashed over Jin's head as another idea sent his brain buzzing. "Alright then. I propose a challenge!" Touya blinked once, slowly. "It's called ta Nervous Game." Touya tilted his head curiously, and Jin elaborated. "Basically, we just see how long it takes for ya to get nervous."

Touya nodded. "As long as you don't drop me from the stratosphere or anything, I'll humor you."

"Don' worry!" chirped Jin, shoving Touya into a chair. "We don't even have to leave the room." Touya arched an eyebrow suspiciously. He knew the glint in Jin's eyes far too well. His schemes at times like these usually ended with Jin dodging several lethal objects being thrown in his direction with killing intent.

"I'm not sure I understand how this—" He broke off with a yelp as Jin rested one of his hands on Touya's ankle.

"Are ya nervous yet?" he asked cheerily.

"Annoyed, yes. Nervous, no."

The hand moved farther up to his calf. "How 'bout now?"

"No…" Touya frowned slightly. There had to be a catch to this. Then Jin's hand moved to his knee, and Touya began to get the general idea. A battle of wills, was it?

"Now?"

"No."

Jin's hand moved to his inner thigh. "Nervous?"

"N-no…" came the whispered reply. He knew what was next.

"Now?"

Touya gasped loudly as Jin's hand squeezed slightly. "J-jin…" he choked. Jin grinned triumphantly as Touya's mouth collided with his once more.

--

"Do you have any idea where we're going, Shishi?" sighed Suzuka. "You said the Child Services building was on this street, and I haven't seen anything but porn stores for the last hour."

Shishi glared over his shoulder. "I'm not lost," he snapped. "I'm just temporarily between familiar landmarks."

"Or lost, as it's otherwise known," Suzuka grumbled under his breath.

"I heard that!"

With another sigh, Suzuka sped up to walk beside Shishi. "Look, let's just stop and ask for directions. I'm sure the locals have a better idea of where we are than we do."

"_You_ can ask. I don't need help."

"Fine. You do that." Suzuka snagged the first person to pass by. The woman was dressed quite oddly, even for a human. She wore a gold leotard and had huge purple and pink feathers sprouting from her asscrack. "Um, excuse me, my friend and I are a bit lost. Can you tell me where to find the Child Services building?"

"Oh, yeah, sure," said the girl in a deep, scratchy voice, probably caused by the cigarette she was twirling between her clawed fingers. "See the Days Inn over there? Hop on the 66 bus and get off at the tenth stop. Child Services is the big stone building at the top of the steps. You can't miss it."

"Have you been there before?" Suzuka asked.

The woman shrugged. "Bastards don't think a showgirl can raise twins. After I went and got a side job turning tricks, too! It ain't easy, y'know?"

"Yeah, I do, actually," winced Suzuka. "Well, good luck."

Suzuka was about to give the directions to Shishi, but Shishi suddenly cursed loudly. "Hey! Isn't that our hotel up there?" he exclaimed.

"Well, would you look at that," droned Suzuka. "Let's go grab some change from our room. We're taking the bus afterwards."

Shishi shook his head. "Goddamnit."

--

Kuwabara peered over Yusuke's shoulder. "Any luck, Urameshi?" he asked.

Yusuke groaned loudly as he leaned back in the computer chair. "I vote we let Kurama do this," he grumbled. "I have no clue what I'm doing."

"Which is why I volunteered to do it in the first place," replied Kurama, nudging Yusuke aside, "You have to hack into the Child Services mainframe."

"I dunno what yer talkin' 'bout, but if it'll get Rinku back, we owe ya big time!" said Chuu gratefully.

"Well, I can get into Child Services' information," said Kurama, fingers flying over the keyboard. "Hiei, could you go up to the room and see if Jin and Touya got the directions to the building?"

Hiei shrugged. "Hn. I doubt they have. They're about as skilled as Yusuke when it comes to that glowing box."

"Hey, anybody can mapquest something," countered Yusuke.

"Fine. I'll ask them," Hiei said, rolling his eyes.

--

The blinds filtered out most of the harsh Los Vegas sun as Jin pushed Touya deeper into the armchair. Touya's nails dug small red crescents into Jin's shoulders as the Wind Master's hips ground into his, enticing a loud groan from the depths of his chest. "Jin…" Jin tugged irritably at Touya's shirt, then leaned in to nibble at the smaller demon's pale neck. "Jin… ah… stop it…"

"Stop what?" Jin panted, leaning back slightly.

"Teasing me… Jin, come _on…_"

Grinning happily, the Wind Master pulled Touya into another bruising kiss, then slowly slid his hands into the Ice Master's pants, pulling another loud groan from the demon beneath him. With a few quick tugs, he managed to remove the offending garment, then slowly lowered his head.

"J-jin! What are you doing?"

"Exactly what it looks like I'm doin'," replied Jin lightly, and he suddenly felt Touya's fingers clench in his hair.

Jin glanced up as well as he could, and Touya's fingers only tugged harder. "Don't stop now," he gasped.

There was a slight snicker, and Touya opened his eyes, slightly annoyed. "What's so…funny?" he gasped.

"Well, the fact that I lost another bet with the fox leaves kind of a bitter aftertaste, but I must admit, this whole situation is rather amusing."

Jin froze, and Touya paled. "Hiei?!" choked Jin, flushing scarlet. "What're you—?!"

"Apparently you two were caught up in your pursuit of… ahem… physical pleasures… to remember that you were supposed to be using the glowing box thing to find that brat you asked for help with retrieving."

"Like you wouldn't be all over Kurama if you had a say about it right now," scoffed Touya, pulling his pants back on furiously. "Either way, find someone else to find the map. We can't figure it out."

Hiei smirked as he left, slamming the door behind him. "Well," Jin began. "That was… well…"

"I believe 'humiliating' is the word you're searching for," Touya groaned, covering his face with his hands. "We're never going to hear the end of it."

"We'll catch a bit o' chaff, no doubt, but they'll forget soon enough," Jin replied lightly. "Same thing happened when Shishi an' Suzuka hooked up."

Touya blinked. "I'd forgot about that," he muttered, smiling slightly. "I suppose you're right. Then again, crazy as you are, you have yet to be wrong." He pressed a quick, deep kiss to Jin's lips.

Jin's ears twitched happily as Touya pulled back. "Ya know, yer a lot more pleasant when ya don't have a stick jammed up yer arse."

Touya glared. "EXCUSE me?" he snapped.

When he came to twenty minutes later, Jin would admit that he fully deserved having the lamp smashed over his head.

* * *

Author's note: Yes, I put some more fluff in here this time. Sorry it wasn't as funny as it could've been. The next chapter will be better; I promise. And yes, there will be more Rinku! He shall return soon!!


	8. A Stroke of Genius

Author's note: Yes, I decided to put more Rinku in here this time. Poor guy's been out of the limelight long enough, and I needed to get him away from Social Services somehow. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter! The next one will be funnier, I promise!

* * *

"What did I do to deserve this?!" wailed Rinku, as a Social Services worker tried to pull him out of a car. "I don't wanna stay in a day care! I wanna go home!"

The social worker tugged on Rinku's feet. "Don't worry. The kids here are really nice. You'll love it!"

"No!"

Another man emerged from the day care building. "Here, lemme give ya a hand there," he said, pulling out a crowbar. "Keep pullin'. I'll pry his fingers loose." Then, without much hesitation, he slammed the crowbar onto Rinku's fingers.

"SHIT!" Rinku swore loudly, finally letting go of the car. "Asshole, what's your malfunction?!" He popped his swollen fingers into his mouth angrily.

The social worker smiled cheerily. "There we go," she chirped. "All better. Now, let's go meet the other children."

"Let's not and say we did," spat Rinku past his fingers. "If you put me in there, I'll eat them all."

"He's a cute one," the day care manager said with a grin. "What did you say his name was?"

Rinku glared. "My name's none of your business, asshole," he snapped.

"His name's Rinku," the social worker said. "He was being raised by a bunch of violent thugs, and picked up some habits from them."

"Well, Rinku, you'll make a lot of friends here. Let's go inside." The day care man led Rinku inside. About twenty kids roamed around a room filled with toys and games, all looking bored out of their minds. "Why don't you go play with Suzie? She's really nice."

Rinku grumbled, but his he could still feel his heart throbbing in his knuckles, so reluctantly, he obeyed as the day-care manager nudged him in the direction of a little blonde girl with pigtails. "Hi!" Suzie said sweetly. "What's your name?"

"Rinku," he muttered. "You're Suzie?"

"Yup! Wanna play?"

Rinku arched an eyebrow. "Play what? Dead?"

Suzie laughed as though he'd made the funniest joke in the world. "No, silly! Billy, John and I like to play war! They're the soldiers and I'm the nurse!"

"Uh…" Rinku stared blankly at her. "War?" Then a switch went off in his head. Ding ding ding! Idea! "Yeah, that sounds fun!" he said with a mischievous grin. "But I have a better idea! Let's get everyone to play! We'll have armies and everything!"

Suzie clapped her hands happily. "Oh, yeah! That sounds like fun! I like you, Rinku. Wanna be friends?"

Rinku rolled his eyes. "Sure. Whatever. Now let's get the troops organized!"

--

"Okay, first rule," Rinku said to his half of the class. "No toy guns. Guns are lame. The object of this battle is to break through the enemy lines and organize a surrender. Then we'll combine forces and go up against the adults!"

One boy raised his hand. "Um, why are we not allowed to use guns?"

"Because, moron," Rinku said cheerily. "We don't have any real ones. We're gonna beat the boogers out of them with whatever we have on hand. And speaking of boogers, get your finger out of your nose."

Another kid raised his hand. "But isn't hitting bad?" he asked dubiously.

Rinku rolled his eyes. "Not now. This isn't pretend. This is the real thing!"

The group cheered. One of the girls raised her hand. "What do the nurses do?"

Rinku tossed her a box of band-aids. If someone starts bleeding, slap these on 'em. Are we good?"

--

On the other side of the room, Billy was briefing his 'army'. "Here's what we're gonna do," he said. "You have infinite bullets, so shoot anyone who comes at you. Me, John, Alex and Ralphie will go for Rinku, since he's their leader. And nurses, if anyone gets shot, you can heal them. No shooting nurses, remember? Alright, let's go!"

--

Rob the day-care manager, Lisa the social worker, and two other day-care helpers watched the children with interest. "Rinku's getting along so well with them!" Lisa sighed. "I hope he finds a really good family. He'd be a great brother."

"What are they doing?" asked one of the day-care helpers, Kelly. "Are they playing a game?"

Rob grinned. "They're playing war," he explained. "Rinku and Suzie got the whole group to play with them."

The other day-care worker, Steve, frowned. "They're just playing, right?" he asked.

"Why do say that?" asked Rob.

Steve pointed at Rinku's group. "They aren't using pretend guns. They're using blocks and Lincoln logs."

Kelly laughed. "Oh, they're probably having a swordfight. I read them King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table yesterday."

Then the onslaught began.

--

"Oww!" whined Ralphie as Rinku smacked him in the face with one of his yo-yos. "That hurt!"

The screams of Billy's team were music to Rinku's ears. His army had done him proud. All around him, children sobbed and clutched their bruised arms and heads and legs, screaming for the adults to help them. 'Any minute now…' Rinku thought deviously.

"Hey!" shouted Rob, closely followed by Kelly, Lisa and Steve. "Knock it off! What do think you're all doing?!"

There was a sudden glint out of the corner of his eye, and he barely had time to shout before all ten of Rinku's yo-yos wound themselves around his body and hoisted him into the air. Kelly screamed, and Rob vainly kicked his legs as Rinku hung him from the ceiling. "Get back!" he shouted to the other three, retracting his yo-yos. "I'm outta here! Who's next?"

Steve and Lisa lunged at the same time, but with an expert flick of his wrists, five yo-yos shot from each hand and hit them full in the face with identical crunches. Kelly screamed again, and two strings wound themselves around her ankles and threw her into a closet.

The children stood in shock. Even the ones who had been crying were silent. "Well, I had a lot of fun," Rinku said with a cheery wave. "I'll see ya guys later!"

"Hey! Wait up!" Rinku paused, and glanced behind him. The kids were no longer looking at him in horror, but instead in awe. "Can we come too?" asked Billy. "That was so cool!"

"Uh…" Rinku blinked. "You guys don't want to go where I'm going."

"Why not?" asked Suzie.

Rinku searched for an explanation, and finally decided on the most ridiculous one he could think of: the truth. "I'm a demon. I'm stuck here in the human world and I was separated from the rest of my kind. Lisa interfered when another one of my demon friends was chasing all of us around with a sword because we made him mad."

The kids gasped. "Demons?" Ralphie whispered. "Like, the ones in hell?"

"Uh, yeah, something like that," Rinku said, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Was he chasing you with a real sword?" asked Alex, wide-eyed.

Rinku nodded. "Yeah. He was pretty angry."

Alex gasped. "But he could've killed you!"

"Yeah, well," Rinku laughed slightly. "I think that was his plan. But it's all in good fun, y'know?"

"You try to hurt each other for fun?" cried Suzie. "That's mean!"

Rinku shrugged. "If he really meant to kill me… well, you saw what I did to the adults. Demons are more than capable of defending themselves when we have to." He grinned. "Still wanna come with me?"

The kids shook their heads silently. "Great! Well, been a lot of fun, guys! See ya!" And with that, he skipped out of the day care.

--

Meanwhile, Boton, Keiko and Yukina were casually lapping their ice cream cones in front of a quaint little ice cream parlor. "So, do you think they found Rinku yet?" Keiko asked lightly.

"Oh, don't worry, Keiko," replied Boton. "They'll find him eventually. Even if they don't, he'll get away from child services eventually."

"How can you be so sure?" asked Yukina, tilting her head. "What if he doesn't?"

Botan laughed. "Yukina, this is Rinku we're talking about. He's the slipperiest kid I've ever met. He fought Kuwabara in the Dark Tournament, and if he's still as good with those yo-yos as he was then, I think I'd be focusing more on finding the people from Child Services to make sure he doesn't hurt them."

Yukina's eyes widened. "He won't hurt them, will he?"

"Oh, I doubt it," Botan said grinning. "But I'm putting it lightly when I say they're going to have their hands full."

"That's a relief," Keiko said with a smile.

* * *

Well, that's it for this chapter! Next time: Rinku encounters the dangers of Vegas while the Ass-Heros continue their quest! Action! Laughs! Ridiculous situations! Inappropriate use of demonic powers! Tune in for the next chapter: The Retarded Adventures of Rinku (and the rest)


	9. The Retarded Adventures of Rinku

**Author's Note:** Holy dick, it's been ages since I updated this!! I am ashamed of myself! I've been playing too much Fire Emblem lately... But I recently re-watched Yu Yu Hakusho, and the flames of my love for it have been fanned. so, here you go! The next chapter!

* * *

The sun had begun to sink below the horizon, and Rinku still had no idea where he was. After three hours of wandering, he came to the conclusion that humans were purposely making all of their streets look alike for the sole purpose of confusing him.

"Hey, kid!" called a man, pulling up beside him in a blue SUV. "You lost?"

Rinku glanced around. "Who… me?" he asked.

"Yeah, you. Do you know where you're going?"

He shrugged. "I'm looking for the hotel my friends are staying in, but I can't find it. It's a Days Inn, and it's a few blocks from a bar called Tease. Do you know where that is?"

The man thought for a moment. Then his eyes widened. "Yeah, yeah, I know where that is," he said with a nod.

"Oh, that's great!" exclaimed Rinku, smiling. "Could you give me directions?"

"Sure, here, let me write them down…" He fumbled around for a pen, but then looked up. "Hey, I got a better idea. I'm headed in the direction you're going. Why don't I give you a ride? I wouldn't feel comfortable letting a youngster like yourself walk around alone at night."

Rinku grinned broadly. "That would be awesome," he said sincerely. "You have no idea how long I've been walking."

"Well, hop on in!" The man leaned over to open the door, and Rinku happily got in. Now, anyone reading this can easily point out Rinku's mistake: talking to strangers and getting in their car. Rinku, however, being a demon, was not aware of this rule. He had no need to be. Demons didn't sink as low as to abduct children for their own sick pleasure. The only time children were abducted in the demon realm was when their parents were involved in some shit they should have steered clear of.

After driving for about twenty minutes, Rinku noticed a familiar sight. "Hey, there's the bar!" he exclaimed happily. "The hotel should be right over there."

"Uh-huh," the man agreed, nodding.

Rinku arched an eyebrow. "Uh, mister, we're going the wrong way."

"Uh-huh."

"The WRONG WAY. As in, turn around."

"Uh-huh."

"Alright, what the fuck is going on here? You said you would take me back to my hotel!"

The man rolled his eyes. "We ain't going to the hotel, kid. Now shut up, and I won't kill you!"

Something in Rinku's head clicked. 'Oh,' he thought, eyes widening. 'I'm being kidnapped.' He sighed in exasperation. "Well, this is inconvenient!" he exclaimed. "Look, how about you just drop me off here, and you can escape with all your limbs attached."

The man glared at Rinku. "_What_ did you just say?" he snapped, pulling a gun out of his jacket. "Look, kid, you aren't in the position to make threats here! One more word outta you, and I'll put a bullet in your head!"

Rinku considered his options. He wasn't worried about the gun at all. The only gun he feared was the one in Yusuke's possession. He could easily knock the retarded pedophile out, but then that left him to prowl the streets for another not-so-lucky kid. No, Rinku thought, glaring at the man's ugly, leering face. This one had to go. They traveled in silence for a few more miles, and Rinku slipped his hands into his pockets.

"Hey! What're you doing?" snapped the driver, reaching for his gun again.

"I'm just grabbing my yo-yos," he said innocently, showing the man the items in question. "I'm bored."

The man growled. "If I were you, I'd try showing a bit more respect. I've got the gun, not you."

Rinku glared. "Well, if you were me, then I'd be you. And if I were you, I'd actually be scared."

"Really? And why's that?"

Rinku's small form was obscured in shadows, and a small chuckle emerged from the darkness. "Because I'd be terrified that the demon I kidnapped would rip the flesh from my weak human body."

The man laughed. "Demon? You're watching too much TV, kid!"

"And you're looking at too much kiddie porn in your mom's basement," retorted Rinku snidely, letting one of his yo-yos fall. The string jerked, and the yo-yo returned to his hand.

"Shut the fuck up!" the man roared, brandishing the gun in Rinku's face. Two yo-yos fell.

"You seem fit, though," Rinku continued. "Do you run on the treadmill while looking at print-outs? Or does jerking off count as a form of exercise?"

The SUV screeched to a halt. "That does it!" He grabbed Rinku's arm with bruising force as three yo-yos fell. "Let's go!"

"Yes, let's," Rinku said, voice dripping with boredom. The man shoved him to the ground, then proceeded to drag him to the middle of the abandoned lot. One yo-yo string lazily wrapped itself around the man's leg.

"I was originally gonna let you go, you know?" the man said, sneering.

Rinku pulled a face. "What, after living out your sick fantasies? Tough luck, you ass-bandit!"

The barrel of the pistol jarred against Rinku's forehead. "Shut your face already!"

"Shoot me, you pussy!" taunted Rinku, wagging his tongue at his captor. "Or are you too scared?"

There was a click as the man pulled the trigger, but no sooner had the bullet left the chamber, Rinku was behind the man, the ends of the strings glowing slightly as he wound them around his fingers. "How…?" was all the man had time to say before the strings cut through his arms, legs, head and torso, leaving a pile of bloody biological waste in their wake.

"Oops," Rinku muttered to no one in particular. "I hope Koenma didn't see that."

Meanwhile, in Reikai, Koenma was jumping and clapping with joy. "Didja see that, Ogre?" he exclaimed. "That's three months of paperwork I don't have to do anymore!" He cheered again. "Thank you, Rinku!"

In the field, Rinku sneezed. "Well, I have to get out of here somehow…" His eyes fell on the car, and he grinned. "Yeah… _some_how…"

-----

"Well, this is unfortunate," muttered Kurama, hanging up the phone.

"What's wrong?" asked Yusuke, returning from the breakfast bar with a huge pile of food. "Anyone hungry?"

Kurama shook his head. "Rinku escaped from Child Services yesterday evening. They have no clue where he is."

Shishi swore under his breath. "Any chance the great Spirit Detective could help us locate him?"

"Hey, what the hell do you think I've been _doing_ this whole time?" exclaimed Yusuke in outrage.

"Stuffing your face with waffles," Hiei answered. "Why don't you use that compass thing you used to find me?"

"That's brilliant!" exclaimed Yusuke through a mouthful of bacon.

"No, that's disgusting," Touya corrected, taking a step back so Yusuke wouldn't spit on him.

Yusuke ignored him. "Hey, where're the girls?"

"Asleep," Kuwabara said bluntly. "Anyone want a waffle?"

Everyone glared at him, except for Jin, who waved his hand eagerly. "I do! I do!"

"Here ya go!" Kuwabara slid a plate of waffles to the Wind Master, who practically inhaled them on sight.

Touya rolled his eyes. "I take it back. THAT is disgusting."

"So, any idea where the compass is?" asked Kurama, eager to change the subject.

Yusuke shrugged. "Ask Boton. She usually keeps those things for me."

"What am I, your secretary?!" exclaimed Boton from the doorway.

"I thought you were asleep," Yusuke said, confused.

Boton folded her arms across her chest. "Well, I was hungry, and I thought I'd get a waffle. Why aren't _you_ guys at Child Services?" The guys exchanged nervous glances, and Boton sighed. "Don't tell me. He escaped."

"Exactly," Suzuka sighed.

"Why am I not surprised?" groaned Botan. "Well, I'll go get the compass. Do we have anything with Rinku's DNA on it?"

"Um…" The Ass-Heroes exchanged glances.

"I think his toothbrush is upstairs," Touya said.

"Great!" Botan said. "I'll get it… after I get a waffle, that is…" She walked towards the breakfast bar.

"Don't eat all of 'em!" exclaimed Jin frantically. "I still want some!"

"You're hopeless," Shishi sighed, rolling his eyes. "I hope Rinku isn't in _too _much trouble."

-----

Twenty minutes after killing the pedophile, Rinku was starting to look rather harassed. "So…" he growled. "HOW DOES THIS DUMB THING WORK?!" He stomped on the gas pedal, but the car just wouldn't move. "I'm not pushing the brake! Why won't it—Oh, duh!" He released the emergency brake, and the car shot forward into a tree. "Shit! Damnit, I should just walk!"

* * *

**Author's Note: **Well, that's all for now. I shall update again as soon as I can!!


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